Here's the thing, y'all.
Identity is relational.
I know, weird right? But it's true.
On the individual side, we get some choices.
We choose the aspects of ourselves that we want to highlight, in order to be seen in a certain way by others.
How do we go about that?
We choose how to present ourselves.
That might be with our appearance, through fashion and style.
It might be in our attitude and demeanor, how we treat other people in general.
It might be through our accomplishments, what we put in a bio or on a business card.
It might even be in our name, what nicknames or pseudonyms we use.
In these choices, we curate a certain Self to offer to others.
But that's only half the process.
Whether or not others believe and accept us for who we present ourselves to be... that's their decision.
How receptive they are to us tells us whether or not we are expressing ourselves authentically, or if we are perhaps trying to be something that is not in true alignment.
In this way, we act as mirrors for one another. Human beings are deeply social creatures.
We often adjust ourselves according to how we are received by others.
This is a very helpful process for people who are open and self-aware.
You want to be perceived in a certain way, you broadcast that "signal."
If it bounces back, you know you need to work on some things. Tweak this or that, or maybe it's a sign that you aren't what you thought you were after all.
If the signal is received, it's a validation that others perceive you as authentic. Honest. Who you say you are.
That process is social. It's collaborative. It's dynamic.
As a person continues to be perceived as authentic in their presentation by more and more people, then they develop a reputation for being whatever they are putting themselves out to be.
Reputation takes time, consistency, honesty, and connection.
What an identity is NOT, is a declaration.
A mandate upon how others are allowed to see you.
Sure, you will have people who humor you, accommodate you, or indulge you... whether out of pity, or politeness, or even fear... but the minute you are not in their presence, your personal declaration of who you are is NOT the person they actually see you to be.
Nor is it the person they will present you as to other people.
You have not been RECEIVED.
People only receive others whom they believe to be authentic. They tend to be skeptical of those who give orders about what others are allowed to see, think, or feel about them.
Such people are often seen as phony and controlling. No matter what identity mandate they were trying to impose... THAT's the reputation they actually earn. That's what's said when they leave the room.
Human beings are keenly perceptive. We are difficult to fool.
And we are universally wary of those who try to do so.
Trying to force identity to be a one-way street is a recipe for failure, disappointment, and rejection.
So, check your signal. Make sure it is honest and authentic. Get rid of the static, and make it clean.
Because, if you are not received the way you want to be... that's nobody's fault but your own.